If I could be anyone, how would she breathe?

There must be flaws that you see in yourself, that you know you could never change.   I'm not talking about physical things, I'm talking about the person you are.  Your way of life, your mannerisms, your morals, your personality, your instincts, your tastes, your style, your intelligence, your depth, your health, your secrets, your addictions, your thoughts, your losses, you overall.  Is there anything that you wish you could alter?


A dream girl.  Wouldn't you like to be a perfected version of yourself.  What would you be like, is there much of a change?  Imagine if I wasn't as analytical as I am now.   Imagine if I didn't dwell over my past, whether it be mistakes or misfortune.  I'd be a completely different girl if I could not worry about what happened or what could happen.  I wish sometimes that I could live in the now.  Presently make myself available.  But I show weakness, I show anxiety, I will not rest if I have something on my mind.  Would it not be different if I could let things go.   I'm not speaking of grudges or juvenile issues, I'm wondering what kind of girl I'd be like if I could stop asking answerless questions, or play the "what if" game.


If you could recreate your being, how would you speak? Would you believe in god?  Are you confident that you'd be better off?  Would you be a realist or optimistic?  Do you ever think about who you could be?  I do.   But then again, thats just me running my mind into the ground for no reason...


I'm just a girl.
No alternative identity.

psssst duff...

I love you, stop being over dramatic ya goof.

looking dead into my eyes

he said, "You must have really loved him to still be thinking about him today".

I did.

"I can't imagine how it feels to lose someone so close"

Bound To You- Christina Aguilera

Sweet love, sweet love
Trapped in your love
I've opened up, unsure I can trust
My heart and I were buried in dust
Free me, free us

You’re all I need when I’m holding you tight
If you walk away I will suffer tonight

Expectations

they are limits or standards of who I'll allow you to be.  Not to belittle you or to make myself feel superior, but to allow you to be the best version of yourself.  I never want to manipulate you into becoming a ghostly figure, much like a diluted existence.  It's just that I know what you're up to.  I know that in your right mind you are aware of the wrong turns that have been made.  I have expectations of you.. rather high I'll admit.  But its not hard for you to grasp, because I've seen you in perfect naked form.  The truth you hide from the rest.  I realize you backed away because I am the only one who knows you, I'm not stupid... I know that you are ashamed of the decision you made.  Otherwise why would you have turned away for so long?  I forgive you, but I expect more from you.  Why fall when you can fight?  Why deceive when you can survive?  Why turn your back on me, when Im asking you to hold my hand?  I have my expectations of you... I expect you to fight.  And  I expect you to fight again.  And I'll be there, watching the greatest victory of all... knowing that you not only surpassed all my expectations... but you did it for yourself.  Thats why you love me, because I care.

The Silence

Bound to quietude,
Unerring beyond anything imaginable,
I've been loured to mere perfection.

Held against lush affairs,
No restraint can steal this beauty.
A limitless hush chants in every heartbeat.

Here I wish to be kept,
Behind lashes I lie in hazel clarity.
Made to be hidden, I was found by devotion.

One second follows the last,
As I listen not to what is spoken,
but to the stillness bellowing truth.

The simplicity of what mustn't be said,
The obvious message in mute symphonies,
The interlude between what was, and what can be.

..The silence


-feel blue, think green, shine yellow
adventure queen

A Millisecond Lifetime

23 milliseconds.  Its not an eternity, its barely a sufficient amount of time. Is any amount of milliseconds an adequate time to do anything? But I swear thats how long it took me to realize it all.  I was still, and anything but alone.  My heart was beating I could hear it, unlike before.  I opened my eyes for not even a second, and I was thrown into clarity.  A feeling so overwhelming just rushed through me like I was being brought back to life.  I found myself gasping for more air, completely wiped out from the strength of it.  All of it was happening so quickly in reality but was rather prolonged if you ask me. I gazed into the eyes of everything I'd been afraid of, face to face with the raw truth, and I just knew.  In approximately 23 milliseconds I clarified everything I'd been unsure about.  I knew, and so would he.