fame, its righteous.

gahhhh

Things change so quickly.
I posted such a positive not a day ago, and suddenly I just feel differently.  Thats the thing about living a drama filled life.. things just go from highs straight to lows.  I've been having an off day.  Just on edge, covered in hives.. I cant focus.. and I feel down.


Hearing the opinions of others about me..and hearing them try to define how much they love me.. it made me realize how much family means to me.  I always value friendships and I love building new relationships.. but after losing such a important person in my life.. in my family, it was hard for me to venture all that.  But hearing how much I mean to you helps.. hearing the truth and your honest opinion on my actions.. keeps me grounded.


just one of those days.. luckily writing is ridiculously therapeutic for me!

happy.. finally

Such a surreal feeling.  You know when you can't wipe the smile off your face, even if you tried?  I wouldn't give up this warm feeling for anything, I feel like I've been waiting to feel this way for a while.  It's weird, so much shit had been falling apart around me, and normally by getting involved I would fall in to a dark slump, and become a bigger mess than the people around me, its a weakness I have.. I care and dwell over everything and I let it beat me up.  But lately, I've been handling everything, I've been doing my best to be there for people and give advice, or just listen, anything really, I'm keeping my grades up and I'm only slightly stressed out haha!  This is a CHANGE.  For those people who know me well, they know that I can get pretty out of control, That I have the ability to truly turn into an insane monster, simply nuts.  But I'm happy, and I'm coping, and I'm helping.. and I feel strong, I feel appreciated and I feel good! I'm smiling... who knew. 


...I feel a dance party coming on

Accepted?

Its official, I just completed my first application to Dalhousie University.... woahhhhh!!! I feel so old.. but I'm also soo excited, now I just wait for an email from the school with next steps about transcripts and stuff...ahhh sooo scary

Love The Way You Lie Part 2- Rihanna ft. Eminem

This morning, you wake, a sunray hits your face
smeared makeup as we lay in the wake of destruction
hush baby, speak softly, tell me I’ll be sorry that you
pushed me into the coffee table last night so I can push you off me
try and touch me so I can scream at you not to touch me
run out the room and I’ll follow you like a lost puppy
baby, without you, I’m nothing, I’m so lost, hug me
then tell me how ugly I am, but that you’ll always love me
then after that, shove me, in the aftermath of the
destructive path that we’re on, two psychopaths but we
know that no matter how many knives we put in each other’s backs
that we’ll have each other’s backs, ’cause we’re that lucky
together, we move mountains, let’s not make mountains out of molehills,
you hit me twice, yeah, but who’s countin’
I may have hit you three times, I’m startin’ to lose count
but together, we’ll live forever, we found the youth fountain
our love is crazy, we’re nuts, but I refused counselin’
this house is too huge, if you move out I’ll burn all two thousand
square feet of it to the ground, ain’t shit you can do about it
with you I’m in my fuckin’ mind, without you, I’m out it

I know what I don't deserve.

I now know.


I know what I don't deserve.


I can officially say, that my writing has been cherished in ways, I never thought possible.  Two of the most important people in my life today, have chosen to cherish my writing on them forever.  Two separate pieces, two separate stories and two completely different love shared between us.  My writing has been tattooed on two amazing girls.  I know that this is something that I do not deserve.  I don't write to change lives, in fact I started writing to save myself.  I never thought that in all the time spent pouring out emotion and defining my feelings, i would be sitting here today, knowing that my writing is held so dearly. I can honestly say that I do not deserve such praise, such honour, that I do not write for reaction.  I write because I care.  I write because I cannot get my thoughts straight.  I write because I love you.  I write because without writing, I can't define what my life is... what your life is.  I write because i'm reaching out. I'm writing because I love to.  I do not deserve these results.. no one asks for this.  But if i lost it.. if i questioned the meaning of my writing, if it was all un clear.. i would be without a doubt devastated. dead.


Losing something you don't deserve..
It's painful.

what are you waiting for

Do you ever have a realization, where you finally see whats important.  A moment that alters your thinking completely, making the things that once made you cringe with anxiety and stress, simmer down... slim to nothing now.  And the things that you had been taking for granted magnify, as if they are without question the only thing you should be thinking about.. devoting your time to.  Do you find that these moments effect you directly or is it someone close to you need saving?


I vow to look at the big picture more often, I hate how easy it is to get consumed in your own personal life, that you draw away from your surroundings and miss out on whats truly important.  I will brush off mundane days and not get distracted by minor frustrations.  At the end of it all, is it really worth your time...


Be sure to pay attention to what life is really about.

Im losing what I don't deserve..

Im losing what I don't deserve..


The feeling of luck knowing you have something, 
How can you define what you deserve?
Is it a judgement on who you've become or who you've been?
Can't you truly be certain of the things you deserve in life..
Should I believe that those who are starving never deserved to be fed,
or that those who can't be heard, don't deserve to be listened to?
How can you say, that if you lost something you didn't deserve.. that it wouldn't phase you?
Surely you'd be pleased of having it, would you not feel it when it was ripped away?
To deserve means to do something or have or show qualities worthy of reward or punishment..
Should I know if i'm worthy of this?
Is it simple to know? That the one thing that is lost, is a reward or punishment meant for someone more worthy..
Do you feel lucky?
Do you feel it slipping through your fingers.. 
Are you deserving?
Have you lost?
...why aren't you worthy of this.


How does it feel to lose something you don't deserve?

On you forever

On you forever.
A tattoo stays on you for the rest of your time.


Recently, someone extremely close to me, did something that I think changes the power of my words forever.  She took a line from my piece Comfort Zone and got it tattooed on her ankle.  I nearly lost my mind when she showed me.  She surprised me too.  What an amazing feeling to know that someone wants your thoughts, a piece of your heart, your perception, your opinion, your ambitions and passion, your raw words on them forever.  I felt so respected and special to know that she wanted me with where ever she went.  I am basking in this unreal feeling for as long as I can.  And without letting it go to my head, I want to take this gratitude and flattery and channel it into more pieces and improved writing... I can't get over how honoured I am to be apart of such an exceptional girl.

Burning In The Skies- Linkin Park

We held our breath when the clouds began to form
But you were lost in the beating of the storm
And in the end we were made to be apart
The seperate chambers of the human heart

Fight

Thrown in the ring,
forced against unwilling defeat.
Outwitted and pierced to floors,
you beat the world,
swearing its the last.

Your strength, maims the
death within.
Consumed by power,
a vast hold on cogent screams,
standing alone fighting
yourself.

Never ending,
victory forgotten,
All you wanted was
a taste of innocence.

As the fight plays..
Inside; Your momentum
for life grows stronger,
passion breaking through.
Such alien beauty.

Surely you stand,
tragically pristine,
only to say you fought the greatest.

You are forever intact.
-feel blue, thinks green, shine yellow

adventure queen

(all i wanted- paramore)

As If By Magic- La Roux

Submerging from your world
And back into my bliss
A day rolled into one
Is burning on my lips
Blurring all your words
Until they don't exist
And in a parallel universe
It's me you can't resist