Fools

Love lost,
tangled and weaved in raw emotion
unable to breathe
unable to learn
unable to live
without you


Vast views on
everything you touch
singing tunes to lour
you to me.


Fools,
wanting what they want
and wanting it all.


Fools,
lost in love.


The show
is about to start,
I know why you are here,
I know why I'm a fool,
I know what I want.


If you want it ..
watch me fall....


feel blue, think green, shine yellow,
adventure queen.

Hands Held High- Linkin Park

My brother had a book he would hold with pride
A little red cover with a broken spine
On the back he hand wrote a quote inside
"When the rich wage war, it's the poor who die"

Amen, amen
Amen, amen

seriously shaken

  I'm about to go crazy.

this doesn't concern you

Cheating


What does it mean?


To cheat on someone... does it make you  a bad person?


Can you ever completely share yourself with another human? Telling them every detail about your being, every ounce of truth you can offer.  Is it possible to pour your every thought out in front of that someone special, trust them entirely with your naked image? Is it fair to assume that they with share just the same?  


As a couple are you not two individuals? Carrying around two separate minds, bodies, opinions, secrets, desires, ambitions and what not... do you share this.. are they identical? Does that person know you to every degree?  As two individuals how do you live as one? To love that person and have them love you back.. is something to cherish.. now imagine it being compromised...


To have your relationship compromised is a cheat.
The act of cheating will change the relationship.. it will alter the love shared.
What is cheating? is it simply sharing chemistry with someone other than them... is it fantasizing about others... is it kissing.. is it sex... how do you know if you've cheated??


... do you feel it?
the stirring in your stomach
the pain behind your eyes
the lies meant to be buried from now on..
the guilt.


If you don't tell that person, and they have no way of finding out... and you have no intentions on leaving that person... has it affected them at all? Has it affected you? Can you live with what you've done?  Can you hide what you've done?  Can you keep it all to yourself??


Can you allow it  NOT to compromise your relationship... will the guilt get to you?? 
Have you cheated?
Did it ruin you?
....It ruined us.




-feel blue, think green, shine yellow
adventure queen

remember when I was afraid

I was afraid you wouldn't understand me
I was afraid you would judge me
I was afraid to open up to you
I was afraid you'd make my feel stupid for caring
I was afraid you'd laugh in my face when I told you what I was thinking
I was afraid you wouldn't give me a chance to explain the past few years
I was afraid you'd give up 
I was afraid I was too much for you
I was afraid that you'd leave if I was like that again
I was afraid of you 
I was afraid to look into your eyes
I was afraid to let you look into mine


But now, I'm only afraid that this will end.

Sacre-Coeur, the sacred view

ring my bell ring my bell.. emmanuel

13 tons... the bourdon bell. Emmanuel, Notre Dame.

modern art

Centre Georges Pompidou
A modern museum in paris. pg 77

Image by Paolo Margari via Flickr

It houses the Bibliothèque publique d'information, a vast public library, the Musée National d'Art Moderne which is the largest museum for modern art in Europe, and IRCAM, a centre for music and acoustic research. Because of its location, the Centre is known locally as Beaubourg. It is named after Georges Pompidou, the President of France from 1969 to 1974 who decided its creation, and was officially opened on 31 January 1977 by then-French President Valéry Giscard d'Estaing. The Centre Pompidou has had over 150 million visitors since 1977.

explaination

How sometimes resurfacing depression can prove the impact someone had on lives. Meaning you can turn something that feels so bad and make it feel ok because it means that person mattered

definition of my life for tomorrow and so on

So I had a pretty difficult week.  I was pretty much thrown around and smashed to the ground.  I realized that no matter how much time passes and how much you think you healed... in the end you really have no grasp on it.  I thought that I had passed the depression stage, that I had moved to a positive sector in my life, where I could help others and stay positive in everyday situations. I was sure I'd reached the point where I could be selfless and make certain days revolve around other peoples accomplishments or their struggles.


But yet I was the one fighting tears.  I was the one that made a great day all about me.. and spelled pity all over it.  I was the one that drowned in constant what ifs and non stop screaming.  You think you've over come depression and then it literally slaps you in the face.   I tried my best to make him happy, but at the end of the day I just wanted him there... beside me... calling me... watching red eye with me! I could admit how much my insides burned and how badly I missed him. Not for attention or sympathy but to prove the love I have for him.. and the impact he had on lives.


AHHH i miss you so .. and I truly wish I could stay positive for you.. and smile for you... but Im upset I don't have you to talk to, and I hate that you cant hug me.  And I can write and write and write to solve this grief and the negativity, but it wont bring you back.. I just can't believe this is what defines my life now... a life without you. I miss you.  You loved me.  I hate that your life was taken... but I love that you were apart of mine xoxo