Your Guardian Angel- Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

'Cause you're my, you're my,
my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
'Cause I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Blinded

Welcome to the inside of my mind.  Welcome to the bittersweet of leaving town, the fucked up sleepless nights and the long and over lived days.  Search within my words to find lies and cheats, try to find reasons to hate me, I guarantee you'll struggle to do so, as I speak only the truth and only what I think.  My opinions are unlike what you'd expect from any other gal.. I trust that you've noticed my unique ways, my way with words, my inability to let go of what I want. Typical? Not even the slightest, a mind like this would shrivel and die in a typical world. Please dig deeper and try to understand that I am not who you think I am, I am not the normal girl who kissed you last night.  I have things to say and I have reasons to say them, I feel what I want and I share becauseI think its important. I think and think and think ,and I won't stop.  Blinded, I'll blind the world with reasons to give me a shot.

Halifax

Halifax.. so far from home.  I am starting to get settled, I went shopping yesterday and today and basically got everything I need! which was a lot of fun :) But I guess because I'm not yet moved into my res, its tough to distance my mind from home.  Like its weird I am in Halifax but I haven't met anyone yet so I talk to everyone back home.  Its tough cause I left people behind and I didn't really want to, Halifax is far too.. I legitimately won't be seeing some people for a long while.  Four months, I know much will change once things start up but for now.. I miss everyone.. and I have certain people revolving around my mind every fucking two seconds.

Until I am found again

Lost
And found in reasons
relating to you.

When nothing resembles
the glow you portray,
I think back to when it was too much.

Sorry that its disappeared,
I scramble through images of you,
in my cluttered mind.

Mistakes I feel I could have made,
If the side I chose was where you lay.
In grass I remember you stay,
Cigarette resting between lips I once touched.
The addiction not towards smoke,
but the admiration I let slip away.

Lost
and never found,
will be the touch of skin,
the eyes I swear never scared me.
Empty days will follow until
I am found again.

-Feel blue
think green
shine yellow
-adventurequeen.
But Breathing- Defeater

In Foreign Pale Eyes

Rambling for ages,
To a new oasis.
Finding a weightless 
Comfort embracing my fluttering
Heartbeat.

In an unfamiliar place,
Glory floods my insides.
In foreign pale eyes, 
I find I’m grounded.
Anchored to a moment
Neither fleeting nor permanent.

Endless attempts to define
Reasons making two bodies spin.
Laying still my frame may be,
However in tightly bound ribs
My heart, echoes the screams of yours.

Nothing resembling a mistake,
Lips locked simply because they may,
Desires flush the cruel reality
And as of now,
I suppose
I wish you were here.




-Feel blue, think green, shine yellow,
adventure queen.


(I wish you were here- incubus)

Girl, Interrupted

Was I ever crazy? Maybe. Or maybe life is… Crazy isn’t being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It’s you or me amplified.

with what maybe i could have done

the moments in life that we wont forget and sometimes the moments we wished we had taken advantage of.  A lot of the time we try to limit our selves and feel only what is appropriate, fully aware that here is more.  We as people have the capability to put a stop o the moments we wish would carry on forever.  Whether its kissing someone, talking to an interesting person, or letting your mind wander.. We can stop, we can stop everything if we feel it is too much or even if we feel at all.  And it is in times similar to these that makes us think of...

"what maybe I could have done"

to be honest

_________________.

used and confused, pure beauty

Poor little rich girl.. Edie Sedgwick

Everything that happened to me has been a paradox for life. The very things that I should have done would have been the trap. The very things I might have given into, that demanded, that said, this is your life. I mean, this is your only way to survive, are the things I found hardest to end. 'Cause I believed in something else. You have to work like mad to make people understand... Even if I don't make it, you know, I really insist on believing, and then I fall off the edge because there's nobody else to follow it. And I would just fall off the edge.

STOP

phone turned off.. thats friggin huge. what happens when I FREAK OUT! everythings becoming so real. STOP

unstoppable

holly shit! everything needs to stop! stop stop stop! Clearly, CLEARLY I am insane! absolutely effed in the head, and unable to just relax and not freak out over every little moment in my life.  "what do you want?".. i have no friggin clue! I'm not sure if I should even repeat the thought I have in my head.  Judging by the speed of my fingers tapping on this keyboard I can totally spare you the worry and say HAY YA I'm totally nuts.  I cant even entertain an idea for more than 1 second.  But I have to change.. I just have to relax, because I have people who care and people I care about.  So I have to just breathe and let everything play out.. because in like 21 days.. my whole life is going to change.. so I am going to do whatever I need to from now on to enhance my time here. I don't see how I can possibly resist.  I don't know ..I just feel.

heart breaker

never let you go.

Do you ever mix and match your friends?  Like your best friend from child hood with your greatest friend of this week, or maybe a best guy with and even better girl?  I have to say I love all my friends being friends.  I like everyone know each other and matching names to faces.  However what bothers me sometimes, is when your best gal and your best guy ... doesn't even have to be a guy and girl... hit it off with out you.  Because you know that the common ground is you.. and when they are alone together, I'm afraid of what they'll share.  I am someone fairly open about everything with the people I love.. so it worries me when the 2 people I love most talk about me.. and I only can hope I haven't broken any hearts.

All I wanted

How can you get so much clarity in one night.  Like for real, I feel totally different tonight than I did last.  I just know more about what I want, Who I need to be with and why I love the people I do.  Ya its a mean circle and I bang my head against the wall endlessly.. but fuck it I'm feeling and I like it.  I just dont want to hurt anyone.  I need for everyone to understand my capability to love so much.  An uncanny capacity, I just need everyone to realize I can love you and him and her and the one and all of them at once... I just don;t know when enough is enough.


All I wanted

I want it to be simple

It is definitely so difficult to distance yourself from someone you care deeply about.  And that is a bold statement that could apply to a wide range of relationships I have in my life.  Currently, I can be honest and say I love a number of people, I've shared myself with people that I now have to see a whole lot less.  And some, I wont see for months, some for a year, some for too long I tear up.  I hate the feeling of needing someone, like truly needing them, I feel vulnerable, I feel weak, I feel rather alone.  Being someone as emotional as I am, I can get myself quite attached to the way people make me feel.  I have so much to say, but half of it I shouldn't, actually most of it I should just sort out in my head.. simply.  But I cannot be simple, its not in my nature! I can literally drive myself to my wits end trying to fully identify what the fuck is going on in my life and of lives around me.  I can love, I can really love someone.  And I do.  I love someone, I love and I can't tame it.  But I've loved this person for so long.  And I don't know how to go about dealing with it.  I can only wrap my head around so much.